Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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