hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
