I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
