How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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