watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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