part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
