somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
