Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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