So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
