dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
