i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wish there were birth control emojis
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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