She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
