he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
