It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
