I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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