I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
