I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
