Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He uses pillows to masturbate.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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