Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
