dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
