Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I lost the right to judge tonight
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
