I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
