I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
