yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She announced her abortion via fbk
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
