Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
