you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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