allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
