Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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