We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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