my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
