found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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