The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
