i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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