Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you had me at cake vodka
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize