We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
