my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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