I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
