Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
