You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
