roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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