I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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