There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
