just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
