it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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