you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
