Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
