dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
