I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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