Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
