Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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