Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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