okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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