Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am naked and annoyed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
