should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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