she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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