what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
