Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
