his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
In America we eat man semen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
