I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
