You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
