So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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