Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
im on a boat
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