I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
