one two three fourrrrnication!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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