Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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