btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
