a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
